I’m sorry for not putting faith in You, as I always should have done. And I have to say with all honesty, I get incredibly mad with You sometimes. That You seem to withhold Your blessings, and cloud my road with all that is dark. I can’t see my roads ahead, and each semester seems like an endless desert. There is no comfort, reprieve.. and I feel so deeply wounded, of all the dreams that I carried into College that were shattered right at your feet.
With all bluntness, it will be hard to praise You, if the waiting is for naught. That my dreams are remained under the carpet, and all forced to be forgot.
But I know that I am blinded by my emotions sometimes. That I fail to see the blessings that You have poured out for me. The mountains You helped me cross, and the streams you brought me to see.
I’m sorry Lord, for always forgetting your promises. Forgetting the times You brought streams in the desert. For insisting, and almost feeling entitled to be on the receiving end. I don’t know what to pray for, but I am sure for this.
Let me focus on You instead. Let me look straight ahead… I’m like the worried Martha, always chasing after the worldly things. Success, Recognition, Love…. These are all idols I put on pedestals, and I am blinded by my own pride and ignorance.
But have mercy Lord, on my pain, may it subside.
That You will continually fix my eyes and calm my heart
Tame the reckless storm underneath,
And let Your Peace wash over, even when I don’t understand.
Let me continue to cling onto Your promises,
And let me be held in Your embrace.