What Do You Really Want?

This was the question that was posed to me today, and it left me thinking hard.

As I was thinking of what to do for the Summer, the internship from HealthServe came in, and I realised that if I take it up, I’ll have to work long hours over so many days (even the weekends), and in a relatively unsafe part of town. I thought it was what I wanted, but when I got the internship offer today, my heart was not at peace at all. I thought that writing stories for the migrant workers was what I wanted. Is it really what I want? Is this where my heart lies?

Where does my heart lie?

Peering deep into my heart, I realise it may not be what I want. My decisions get all messed up because I worry on whether my decision will affect others for the worse, and as a result, sometimes, my own needs get shortchanged.

After this long talk with my parents about what I really want, my heart sank, and I felt heavy. Do I really want this? The internship is not too long, for 1 1/2 months before my Summer School starts. But then, would I truly bless people with my work there. Will I truly enjoy it, or will it become a burden, because it was not my passion, like what happened in my previous job.

And if I say no to the Internship, what next?

I hate waiting, and I think God should be the one whom I consult first, and  let Him show the way. I want to know NOW, but God perhaps has other plans.

I have until Tuesday to decide, and if I do not take this Internship up, there are some things I can do for the 1 1/2 months.

  1. Go for Church Camp
  2. Plan + Go for the possible Batam Trip with my friends
  3. Attend any ad-hoc CF activities
  4. Think of other areas to serve and discover
  5. Rest. Pursue some hobbies, find something to do.
  6. Prepare for Summer School

Shall I rest? Shall I simply not commit myself to anything till my Summer School is due? Should I search for something else to do?

If I asked myself the genuine question, I just want to rest. But I don’t want this rest to be idle, and not doing anything.

To wait, and see His plan unfold. To say no to the Internship when necessary, and seek something else to do.

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