One year changes you a lot.
I think as the CNY approaches, I see the same things and the same events happen again and again. But even as the years pass, every single year is different. Different challenges, faces, places, and the atmosphere of every occasion is different.
With every year, you are thankful that your family members are still well, and now, more than ever, I see that fragility and also the thankfulness that they are still here with me. I see how an incident in a person’s life can darken a person inevitably, and bring out a sense of maturity that only comes through life’s detours.
As I look back on my old Facebook posts and blogs, I realise how different it is now for me than last time. In fact, I feel older, much older on the inside as compared to before. It’s not darker per se, but more aware that life is not always a happy bubble, and you grow up in that process. My thoughts have changed somewhat, and i am learning to compartmentalize my feelings for a lot of things to try my best to not let it interfere in work and life. To treasure the people around me because I know that times like these are precious, and things can always change in a blink of an eye. And things don’t always go the way you want them to, just because you wish and try so hard for it. Life is a different ball game; many unexpected twists and turns.
My music preferences have changed, some perspectives of lives have changed. It’s almost like I’ve graduated from ‘high school girl’ dom to some young adult phase in life. I think that’s a part of growing up I guess. You chuck the bits of your old life and realise you have matured so much since then. Been more mature in terms of dealing with things, about love, friendship, pretty much the stabilisers in life.
Think it has made me more aware of the things around me, and also to break me out of my sheltered little bubble of ‘bliss’. I daydream a lot less, because I realise I should be living in this current life I have now than wishing for other things to happen, as unrealistic and happy as they may be.
Things pass, people change, people are moving forward. More beginnings, more endings. And time will fly. Before I know it a lot of things will happen to me, good or bad, and all in all, I’m learning not to worry so much about the future, because there is no point in fretting so far. Live each day and plan as you must, but don’t let it overwhelm you. When I see the looming future ahead I get worried, but a day at a time, a week at a time, it ain’t so bad. Things are unclear for me now… The question whether to apply again for Exchange is beckoning, and I have no clue whatsoever on what to do. Many questions, not many answers, just more questions, and different words of advice. As much as I want to know the answers, I just need to trust God that He is leading me to another adventure. For unknown reasons, He has led me up to this path.
Growing up–to a new phase of growing up.