Beginnings.

Many new things are happening every single day.

Somehow, that happens. Though we see life as a routine, there are some things that happen every day. Every waking moment of our lives, we are doing something. And it isn’t exactly the same as yesterday.

This time, I dreamed I was in the military. Yes, the military. No joke… I saw the wired fences, the green uniforms, and somehow, I was in… My Girls’ Brigade attire. I was in a group of girls clad in the girls’ brigade uniform, and we apparently had to join the army.

When I woke up, I felt so unexplainably sad. If I look deeper within, maybe I would have an answer. But it felt sad. Like I was missing a part of something. NOT a life in army of course, but something else. I guess I am worried, and of course, missing. Missing is a hard feeling. Not impossible to fight, but it stays there, underlying your mind. So you have to let other things occupy that attention.

Today I went to the UOB building to sign a contract. The office was huge, with levels all the way to the 60-something story. I felt so strange walking there, since everyone was either much older or slightly older than I was. I must have been one of the youngest in the office. The recruit agency was situated there, so I had to wear formally and everything again.

This upcoming job would be more specific. I’d be dealing with things related to taxes, they said. So it would be a whole new experience than the MOE one. This time, it would be in town. Near Raffles Place in fact. I guess the travelling time would be much longer than it was for my previous stint. But then, new job, new beginnings. I felt peace when I signed the contract. Everything looks to be in order, and mum was supportive all the way.

The lunch with Naomi was much better than expected!! We talked a lot, and during the times we were silent it was a companionable silence. She told me a few new things that she has been doing, and all her going ons. 🙂 I felt happy that she was willing to share with me some of these things. Sure enough, I updated her about my own life too. We had things to talk about, since we had not met each other like this for ages. Months in fact. But it was great. We walked here and there, talking and casually browsing through the stalls we entered. I shared this plate of beef pasta with her, and thankfully it felt within the budget that she wanted.

We ate ice cream at Baskin’ Robbins, this time with the Pink Day deal! They give you two huge heaping scoops of ice cream for $5, and in their terms, it is really cheap. Naomi loves desserts, so whenever I go with her, she’d choose a dessert over any meal. Well I can say she has a sweet tooth.

It was a simple outing, but I felt satisfied, that we were on good terms again. Good enough that she would be willing to meet me alone in fact. It was unexpectedly okay, since I was initially worried that she would get upset over something! Or that the silence between us would be awkward. I guess that we have gone over the forgiveness stage, and became friends again. It is a HUGE prayer answered, and I felt grateful.

Our 6 years of friendship doesn’t die so easily. Now it is already the 7th year, and to know someone for so long.. It means something special right? Here’s to a new beginning of a friendship rekindled.

I’m trying to make a change too. A change within.

I’m borrowing a lot of books, related to self confidence and all those. I love those 100 days of happiness books, where they give you a new quote or insight each day. It’s like being equipped for the whole year!!! Isn’t that great?

No one can help me but my own determination. I am determined to make a change of how I view myself, and to be more confident. I will get bouts of self doubt and all, but now I am doing something about it!!!

Every day I will do a new devotion page. One page for each date of the year. And I would then pray, and read the story and the featured Bible passage. I followed a few accounts, like Daily Message from God, and Staying Strong by Demi. I’ve been fervently looking for the Staying Strong book, but I can’t find it. So in the meantime, I would follow the account on twitter. Every single day, there is a new outlook and goal. That is something to pine after, and it keeps you motivated since there is something new each day.

Since this energises me, I hope to bless others with this new I bought a ‘100 ways to be happy’ for  Xiu Wei, since her birthday’s coming up. I do hope I can get something like that for myself too. It is impactful to me, since I feel that words are power. I feel the most motivated and uplifted through the words that I read, or the things that I hear. So that is the best way for me to improve myself.

Hopefully these books would be a source of self help and inspiration for me. Since books energise me, this is the way to go (for me I guess).